i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
