We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
