The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
