you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
