this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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