my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
