So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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