he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i dont even know how to be here
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
