I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
