I should be sponsored by Trojan
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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