The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
