I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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