I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
