the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
