Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
