the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
