That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
