Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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