fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
