Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We need to get me chipped asap
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
