The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
