Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
