Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
