We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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