i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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