I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I sprained my soul last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
