So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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