Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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