fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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