my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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