Where did you get a picture of my penis
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
pray to the hookup gods
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
