I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
