There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
as a side note pls kill me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
