I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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