so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
