Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
