Me too!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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