this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
