This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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