i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
