i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
