That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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