you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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