We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
