i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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