So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's the barista slut.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
