i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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