I love black thongs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
