I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
