she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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