we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
