Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
