I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
