I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
