Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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