Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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