I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
