so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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